There are moments in my life when I can, to some degree, understand what celebrities must go through when moments in their lives are plastered all over the news for everyone to see. Something they may do which is completely innocent but out of character becomes sensationalized into the next big scandal. People just seem to love scandal & gossip and my family is no exception.
I have been single now for approximately 6 months and perhaps it's just me but I don't see any problem with this. The relationship I was in for 7 years prior was very tiring and at most times frustrating. Since he seemed incapable and/or unwilling to do anything for himself or me, and because I seem to live way too much of my life through my not yet fully understood guilty conscience, I never felt like I had any time to just "breathe". My life since leaving him has not been the usual post breakup mess that even I have known in the past. Yes, I'll admit that it was difficult at first adjusting to my new "routine". Change, in any form, is always hard. However, I was confident in the decision that I made and if I'm perfectly honest I have not missed him or my life with him for one second since. That's not to say I do not have issues or "baggage" from this past relationship. I am well aware of the fact that bitterness lays deep within me as there are moments still in which all I can see is red. I hate red!
Perhaps it's this bitterness that is making me feel the way I do, but I doubt it. I'm looking forward to the future more now than I have had in years, and that's not a future based on a relationship with someone else, but a future based on a relationship with me, and of course, my family & friends. My family (and some friends) are worried about me, and I get this. They think because I'm not jumping right back up on the horse again that I must be severely damaged. And it's this kind of thinking that caused a mini scandal for me this week.
On Monday night I was talking on the phone with a friend until about 1 AM. This, of course, is completely out of character for me due to the following reasons:
a) I hate talking on the phone.
b) I normally go to bed by 10 PM on a work night.
c) I hate talking on the phone. (Oh sorry, I mentioned that already but it really needs to be emphasized).
My friend and I were on the phone and we were both venting. I find venting to be extremely good for the soul and it was very favourable to me on Monday night. I was in top form!! Keep in mind that just prior to this I had been on the phone with Bell (see my previous blog post for understanding) and therefore it was no surprise that my "bitch on" was "brilliant"!
Right after I was finished the call my Mom began the "third degree". "Who were you talking to?" "What have you been talking about for so long?" "Do you realize it's one in the morning?" "You're going to take the dog out, right?" My answers were, "No one, nothing, yes & yes". Pretty standard. I went happily off to sleep and didn't think much of it until the next morning.
Below is an excerpt from my 9:45 AM morning Facebook conversation with my niece -
My niece: What u doin
Me: Working ...
My niece: I hear u were talking to someone til like 1 am
My niece: Are u getting a life again?
Me: OMG! Grandma has a big mouth.
Me: No, no life. I was just chatty.
Me: I was just talking to a friend.
Me: Just a friend.
Me: Geez.
My niece: From 7 lol
Me: Not from 7.
My niece: Too bad. I WS hoping u would get a life again.
Me: I don't want a life.
Me: I like how shit is now, OK?
My niece: Sounds good.
(Note text in red indicates my brewing bitterness. I hate red!)
Now normally my mother gets up in the morning between 10 AM and 11 AM. I think this juicy little bit of information must have been KILLING her for my niece to already know and be questioning me about it by 9:45 AM the next morning. "OoooOOoooH! SCANDAL!!! MUST ... GET ... DETAILS!!"
Sigh ...
And all I can do when I find myself in these sorts of situations is begin singing that famous Beatles song inside my head ....
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
I just don't understand why the rest of the world can't live by that mantra??
Oh well! Hopefully my next scandal will be something much more exciting than a telephone call -- at least for my family's sake. :)
I have been single now for approximately 6 months and perhaps it's just me but I don't see any problem with this. The relationship I was in for 7 years prior was very tiring and at most times frustrating. Since he seemed incapable and/or unwilling to do anything for himself or me, and because I seem to live way too much of my life through my not yet fully understood guilty conscience, I never felt like I had any time to just "breathe". My life since leaving him has not been the usual post breakup mess that even I have known in the past. Yes, I'll admit that it was difficult at first adjusting to my new "routine". Change, in any form, is always hard. However, I was confident in the decision that I made and if I'm perfectly honest I have not missed him or my life with him for one second since. That's not to say I do not have issues or "baggage" from this past relationship. I am well aware of the fact that bitterness lays deep within me as there are moments still in which all I can see is red. I hate red!
Perhaps it's this bitterness that is making me feel the way I do, but I doubt it. I'm looking forward to the future more now than I have had in years, and that's not a future based on a relationship with someone else, but a future based on a relationship with me, and of course, my family & friends. My family (and some friends) are worried about me, and I get this. They think because I'm not jumping right back up on the horse again that I must be severely damaged. And it's this kind of thinking that caused a mini scandal for me this week.
On Monday night I was talking on the phone with a friend until about 1 AM. This, of course, is completely out of character for me due to the following reasons:
a) I hate talking on the phone.
b) I normally go to bed by 10 PM on a work night.
c) I hate talking on the phone. (Oh sorry, I mentioned that already but it really needs to be emphasized).
My friend and I were on the phone and we were both venting. I find venting to be extremely good for the soul and it was very favourable to me on Monday night. I was in top form!! Keep in mind that just prior to this I had been on the phone with Bell (see my previous blog post for understanding) and therefore it was no surprise that my "bitch on" was "brilliant"!
Right after I was finished the call my Mom began the "third degree". "Who were you talking to?" "What have you been talking about for so long?" "Do you realize it's one in the morning?" "You're going to take the dog out, right?" My answers were, "No one, nothing, yes & yes". Pretty standard. I went happily off to sleep and didn't think much of it until the next morning.
Below is an excerpt from my 9:45 AM morning Facebook conversation with my niece -
My niece: What u doin
Me: Working ...
My niece: I hear u were talking to someone til like 1 am
My niece: Are u getting a life again?
Me: OMG! Grandma has a big mouth.
Me: No, no life. I was just chatty.
Me: I was just talking to a friend.
Me: Just a friend.
Me: Geez.
My niece: From 7 lol
Me: Not from 7.
My niece: Too bad. I WS hoping u would get a life again.
Me: I don't want a life.
Me: I like how shit is now, OK?
My niece: Sounds good.
(Note text in red indicates my brewing bitterness. I hate red!)
Now normally my mother gets up in the morning between 10 AM and 11 AM. I think this juicy little bit of information must have been KILLING her for my niece to already know and be questioning me about it by 9:45 AM the next morning. "OoooOOoooH! SCANDAL!!! MUST ... GET ... DETAILS!!"
Sigh ...
And all I can do when I find myself in these sorts of situations is begin singing that famous Beatles song inside my head ....
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
I just don't understand why the rest of the world can't live by that mantra??
Oh well! Hopefully my next scandal will be something much more exciting than a telephone call -- at least for my family's sake. :)